It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
