I faked an abortion last night.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
