420 ftw
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
