what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
