Your dad touched me again.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
