apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
