first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
