ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
