i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
