what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
