I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I forget how to act sober
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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