ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
