Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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