what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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