We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
as a side note pls kill me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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