yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
