I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
