then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
