are you so shy because you have an std?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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