yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
