There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
