thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
