the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
