I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
