So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
