I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
