Tell her she can't have a vagina
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
