Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
