I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
