Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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