Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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