I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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