Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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