so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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