The maid of honor just puked.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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