She just used a chaser for red wine.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
