it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
