it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So vagazzling was a success
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
