You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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