At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
