You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
