rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
