I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
