I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
