i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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