Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
