Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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