ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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