I heard we made out
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
