I wanna passion pit in your ass
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
