So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
