i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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