I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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