i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
