Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
