We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
